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EPISODE 78:WHEN YOUR LGBTQIA+ LOVED ONE FACES NON-AFFIRMING FOLKS DURING THE HOLIDAYS

DISCOVER CHRYSALIS MAMA

Transforming the Conversation

Hi, my name is Heather Hester. Welcome to Chrysalis Mama.

You have probably landed on this page because your child or a loved one (grandchild? niece? friend?) has recently come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or another sexual orientation or gender identity and you are looking for resources and tools. I know the joys and challenges of parenting an LGBTQ child.

Or, maybe you’re here because your company or organization is looking for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) speakers or consulting. I can help you with that!

Don’t panic. Take a deep breath. You are in the right place. I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the shock, the joy, the terror, the growth, the unconditional love, the fierce mama bear response. It’s A LOT! And, it can be challenging to find support, guidance, resources, and education. That’s why I’m here.

Chrysalis Mama is the product of our family’s journey with depression, anxiety, and embracing our son, who, among many wonderful traits, is gay. It is my desire to pass on valuable information and offer support to those who are on a similar journey of loving and raising an LGBTQ+ child.

My mission is to transform the conversation around embracing, education, empowering, and loving LGBTQIA+ adolescents, teenagers, and young adults.

You may be asking – how do we change this conversation? I believe it starts within each one of us, blossoms within our families, and then grows within our communities and beyond. My principles are simple yet effective – To embrace, educate, empower, and love.

I am grateful for this opportunity to connect with parents, allies, advocates, and all who are, among all of their many wonderful traits, LGBTQ!

Nestled in this site you will find:

PODCAST

Do you have a child, teen, or young adult who identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or another sexual orientation or gender identity?

Do you feel alone in your effort to support them on their journey or navigate your own?

Do you want to learn how to make your work environment more inclusive and well-informed?

Using a combination of solo episodes on in-depth topics and interviews with fascinating guests. Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ+ Teen helps calm you, educate you, inspire you, and support you on this beautifully unpredictable journey.

BLOG

Covering topics ranging from the LGBTQ+ coming out process to mental health to improving diversity, equity, and inclusion in corporate spaces - the Chrysalis Mama blog is a space to learn, grow, and become empowered.

A family hugging, showing support for their LGBTQ+ child.

Your Child Just Came Out - Here’s How to Support Them

October 09, 20244 min read

When your child comes out, it can feel like everything shifts in an instant. Whether it was expected or came as a surprise, this is a pivotal moment for both of you. You may feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or even fearful about what lies ahead.

The truth is, many parents experience a wave of emotions—ranging from love and acceptance to confusion and fear. It’s perfectly normal to feel unsure about the future. But know this: You are not alone.

That’s why I’ve created “A Journey of Understanding: Support for Parents of Children Who Have Come Out,” a monthly letter-writing campaign designed to offer guidance, support, and resources as you navigate this life-changing experience. Below, I’ll share key insights on how to begin supporting your child—and yourself—on this journey.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment

When your child comes out, it’s natural to have a mix of emotions. Many parents experience thoughts like:

  • “It’s just a phase.”

  • “What will people think?”

  • “Will my child be okay?”

These feelings are common, and the first step is to acknowledge them without judgment. As I often say, “Name it to tame it”—meaning it’s important to recognize your emotions so you can start processing them.

In my Journey of Understanding letter-writing campaign, I walk parents through each emotional stage, offering practical advice on how to process your feelings and provide unconditional support to your child. This campaign is designed to help parents navigate the early, confusing stages of their child’s coming out process.

Here’s a brief excerpt from my first letter in the series:

“I invite you to join me on a journey. One that has the potential to be life-changing in the best of ways. One that, at minimum, may change the way you look at the world. One that will be beautifully, magically messy, yet somehow grounding, calming, and connective.”

[Read the full letter here]

Step 2: Understand What Your Child is Going Through

Your child’s coming out process is deeply personal, and they’ve likely been considering their identity long before sharing it with you. The initial stage they may experience is called identity confusion—where your child starts to recognize their sexual orientation or gender identity but may feel uncertain about what it means.

You can show your support by asking open-ended questions like “When did you realize this?” or “How do you feel about it now?”—questions that allow your child to share their thoughts and emotions in a safe, non-judgmental environment.

Through the monthly letters in “A Journey of Understanding”, I provide tools and guidance on how to have these meaningful conversations with your child. Together, you can create a safe, loving space for them to explore their identity while strengthening your connection.

Step 3: Seek Resources and Support

Finding reliable resources is crucial for both you and your child. Whether it’s educational content, support groups, or expert advice, having the right tools can make this journey much smoother.

In addition to monthly letters, “A Journey of Understanding” includes curated episodes from my podcast, Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen. These episodes feature real-life stories, expert insights, and practical advice tailored to parents who are navigating their child’s coming out process.

You can also explore my book, Parenting with Pride, which is designed to guide parents through this journey with confidence and compassion. By staying informed, you empower yourself to be the supportive parent your child needs.

Step 4: Remember, You Are Not Alone

One of the most important things to remember is that you are not alone. Many parents are walking this same path, and countless others have already navigated it. By joining “A Journey of Understanding,” you’ll not only receive guidance, but you’ll also connect with a supportive community of parents and caregivers who understand what you’re going through.

In every letter, I revisit the emotions, challenges, and growth I experienced when my own son came out. Sharing this journey with others is part of my mission to help parents feel less isolated and more empowered. The letters will give you a roadmap for understanding your emotions, supporting your child, and finding peace in this new chapter.

Join the Journey of Understanding

If your child has recently come out, or if you’re just beginning to navigate this journey, there’s no need to do it alone. “A Journey of Understanding” is designed to guide you every step of the way, offering personal insights, expert advice, and a supportive community to help you through.

By signing up for my newsletters, you’ll receive:

Monthly letters exploring the emotional stages of your child’s coming out process

Curated podcast episodes to deepen your understanding of LGBTQ+ issues

Expert advice from my book Parenting with Pride


[Sign up today] to receive your first letter and begin your journey of understanding.


Call to Action:

[Join the Journey of Understanding] – Sign up now to receive monthly letters, curated podcasts, and expert advice tailored for parents of LGBTQ+ children.



LGBTQIA+ ParentingLGBTQIA+ TeensParenting SupportParenting tipsJust Came OutChild Just Came Out
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Loving and raising an LGBTQ+ child is a very special journey that comes with very specific joys and challenges. It is vital - not to mention time, money, and potentially life saving - to work with someone who has traveled a similar path.

Here is why - in additional to the benefits of that person's life experience and the knowledge that comes along with it, you also get empathy, validation, and someone who can hold space for you.

Looking for a speaker or presenter on the topic of LGBTQ youth or allyship for your organization or event? You're in the right place!

  • I have intense life experience on the topic coupled with hundreds of hours consulting with professionals.

  • Audiences appreciate my raw and empathetic approach.

  • Parents and allies appreciate the relevant information and stories that provide them with education, tools, and strategies as well as the knowledge that they are not alone!

WORK WITH ME

You are likely on this page because your child or a loved one has recently come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or another sexual orientation or gender identity and you are looking for resources and tools. I know the joys and challenges of parenting an LGBTQ child.

Or, maybe you’re here because your company or organization is looking for someone
to lead LGBTQ+ Allyship workshops or speaking events. I can help you with that!

Don’t panic. Take a deep breath. You are in the right place. I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the shock, the joy, the terror, the growth, the unconditional love, the fierce mama bear response. It’s A LOT! And, it can be challenging to find support, guidance, resources, and education. That’s why I’m here.

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Looking for tips, tools, and strategies along with a little peace of mind? I invite you into the Chrysalis world!

I am grateful for all who have asked how they can help further this mission!

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