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With topics ranging from mental health to all things LGBTQ+, the Chrysalis Mama blog is a space to learn, grow, and become empowered.
How I Stopped Letting Fear Control My Life—and How You Can Too
How I Stopped Letting Fear Control My Life—and How You Can Too
Why Walking Through Discomfort is the Key to Personal Growth and Healing
Settling Into the Year—And Something Feels Different
January is often a time to set intentions, define goals, and get clear on the energy we want to carry forward. But this year feels different.
Does it feel that way for you too? Like there’s an extra layer of discomfort, an unsettling void, a stripping away of everything known?
Even after taking two months to rest and prepare, I’ve found myself in a maelstrom of emotions—each day bringing a new challenge, a fresh uncertainty.
The world feels more chaotic than ever. Norms, traditions, hard-fought rights, and policies—civil rights protections, environmental progress, international relationships—have been erased with a stroke of a pen. Decades of work vaporized. Basic human regard and decency stomped out.
I felt that in my bones.
From Crisis Mode to Clarity: Breaking the Spiral
Five days after the election, I was still a wreck—crying, unshowered, barely eating. I had reverted to my old crisis response: the kind that left me frozen in stress and fear.
That evening, my Husband Steve looked at me and said, “What are you doing? This has got to stop, or you’re going to make yourself sick.”
That snapped me out of it. I realized no one was coming to fix this, and if I wanted to move forward, I had to take ownership of my response.
I took two months to rest and reset.
I stopped doom-scrolling.
I stopped consuming every news update and podcast.
I sat with the discomfort instead of trying to escape it.
And in doing so, I rediscovered hope.
The Power of Walking Through Discomfort
Discomfort is something I’ve wrestled with for years.
For so long, I fought it. I Resisted it. I Avoided it.
And at some point—I don’t even remember when—I realized: The only way to grow, to heal, to evolve, is to walk through the hard stuff.
Fear used to control me:
Fear of making mistakes.
Fear of speaking my truth.
Fear of not being “good” enough, of being rejected, of not belonging.
And without even realizing it, I made almost every decision based on fear.
But something shifted the moment Connor came out to us. At that moment, I made a choice based on love.
The fear was still there, breathing fire in my face. But I set a boundary and said: “Nope, this is my kid. Back off, fear. I’ll deal with you later.”
Looking back, I see the thousands of tiny steps I took toward love over the years. And last week, while walking with Mackenzie, it hit me like a tidal wave:
Fear no longer runs my life.
I made a conscious decision not to let it.
Because I learned to sit with discomfort, question it, and walk through it.
Supporting Your Nervous System in Times of Uncertainty
When the world feels chaotic, our nervous system takes the biggest hit. Stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm aren’t just mental—they’re physiological responses that impact how we feel, think, and show up in our lives.
Setting boundaries is a powerful step, but so is learning to regulate your nervous system so that you can respond to life with clarity and calm instead of reactivity.
Some ways to support your nervous system right now:
Breathe intentionally – Slow, deep breaths signal safety to your body and help calm the fight-or-flight response.
Ground yourself – Step outside, feel the earth beneath your feet, and let nature bring you back into balance.
Pause before reacting – When something triggers you, take a deep breath before responding. Give yourself space to process before reacting.
Prioritize rest and connection – Sleep, hydration, and meaningful connection with others all help your body feel safe.
For more expert insights on nervous system regulation, listen to my latest podcast episode with Nervous System Expert Kelly Lubeck: Finding Calm in Chaos: Strategies for Nervous System Regulation
Listen Here → Finding Calm in Chaos: Strategies for Nervous System Regulation
The Softest, Most Ruthless Version of Yourself
So, as we step into this Lunar New Year—a time of transformation and stepping into our true selves— I ask:
How do we move forward?
What strengths will we need?
How do we discern truth from noise?
I believe part of the answer lies in setting boundaries with love.
Someone close to me recently shared these words from @mymetaphysicalmaven:
“Be the softest, most ruthless version of yourself.
Soft doesn’t mean weak, and ruthless doesn’t mean cruel.
Ruthlessness isn’t a lack of care—it’s cutting ties with anything that doesn’t care back.
Let softness reshape your boundaries into something unbreakable.”
This is my wish for you.
Be soft enough to let love in.
Be ruthless enough to protect it.
Be soft enough to feel everything.
Be ruthless enough to walk away from what doesn’t align.
This is how we move forward.
This is how we heal.
This is how we become who we are meant to be.
Final Thoughts: Stepping Into Your Power
You are not alone in this discomfort. The sadness, the devastation, the anger, the hope—they all exist together.
You get to choose how you move forward.
As you navigate this year, I encourage you to:
Set boundaries with love.
Allow yourself to sit in discomfort instead of avoiding it.
Make choices based on love, not fear.
Because when we stop resisting discomfort and start walking through it, that’s where real change happens.
Want More Support?
If this resonated with you, I’d love to continue the conversation. Here’s how you can stay connected:
Read my book, Parenting with Pride
Keywords: Overcoming fear, Sitting with discomfort, Personal growth and healing, Setting boundaries with love, Emotional resilience, Walking through discomfort, Choosing love over fear, Mindfulness and self-awareness, Healing from fear-based decisions, Personal transformation journey
Tags: Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience, Healing and Transformation, Setting Boundaries, Overcoming Fear, Self-Discovery, Walking Through Discomfort, Mindfulness and Awareness, Lunar New Year Reflections, Finding Strength in Uncertainty
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