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EPISODE 78:WHEN YOUR LGBTQIA+ LOVED ONE FACES NON-AFFIRMING FOLKS DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Transforming the Conversation
Hi, my name is Heather Hester. Welcome to Chrysalis Mama.
You have probably landed on this page because your child or a loved one (grandchild? niece? friend?) has recently come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or another sexual orientation or gender identity and you are looking for resources and tools. I know the joys and challenges of parenting an LGBTQ child.
Or, maybe you’re here because your company or organization is looking for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) speakers or consulting. I can help you with that!
Don’t panic. Take a deep breath. You are in the right place. I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the shock, the joy, the terror, the growth, the unconditional love, the fierce mama bear response. It’s A LOT! And, it can be challenging to find support, guidance, resources, and education. That’s why I’m here.
Chrysalis Mama is the product of our family’s journey with depression, anxiety, and embracing our son, who, among many wonderful traits, is gay. It is my desire to pass on valuable information and offer support to those who are on a similar journey of loving and raising an LGBTQ+ child.
My mission is to transform the conversation around embracing, education, empowering, and loving LGBTQIA+ adolescents, teenagers, and young adults.
You may be asking – how do we change this conversation? I believe it starts within each one of us, blossoms within our families, and then grows within our communities and beyond. My principles are simple yet effective – To embrace, educate, empower, and love.
I am grateful for this opportunity to connect with parents, allies, advocates, and all who are, among all of their many wonderful traits, LGBTQ!
Nestled in this site you will find:
My award-winning podcast, Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen
An in-depth blog
Resources, including a glossary and mental health support
Details on the keynote and workshop speaking opportunities I offer
Multiple other ways to connect and learn!
PODCAST
BLOG
Covering topics ranging from the LGBTQ+ coming out process to mental health to improving diversity, equity, and inclusion in corporate spaces - the Chrysalis Mama blog is a space to learn, grow, and become empowered.
“As parents, it is our job to make sure that they know they can talk to us about anything and feel heard.” - Heather Hester
DO YOU HAVE A SECRETIVE TEEN?
While almost all teenagers will have some things that they keep to themselves, there is a big difference between harmless secrets and something more disconcerting. We have some methods to tell you how to Deal with a Secretive Teen. As parents, it is our job to make sure that they know they can talk to us about anything and feel heard. That is not to say that we always have to agree. The nuance here is that we create a safe space where open communication can occur; sometimes that is in the form of validation, others in the form of teaching moments.
When it comes to secret-keeping, there is a fine line between what is developmentally appropriate and what could be a behavioural issue.
Teenagers are growing, learning, and finding their place in the world. And while they know where they fit at home and who they are at the kitchen table – outside might be a different story.
Here are some of the most common secrets teens keep:
Skipping classes
What they’re doing when they pretend to be at sleepovers
Going to parties
Gender identity and or sexual orientation
Bullying
Substance experimentation
Political affiliations or beliefs
Most often, your teen will keep a secret if they believe that telling will get them in trouble or if things have gone too far. And they don’t know what to do. For instances such as substance experimentation, it is important to keep the door open for conversations because that is the only way you will be able to assess where it falls on the continuum. There are many organization both locally and nationally such as the Palm Beach Institute that offer assistance.
Many children get bullied, and even more so if they are LGBTQA+: How to Protect LGBTQ+ Youth From Bullying.
Preventing secret-keeping is an exercise in futility. Even if it were possible, Some level of keeping secrets is normal and, in fact, is part of growing up in most cases. Here is the key – make sure that your child knows that some things fall into the category of privacy. And others are secrecy – and that the latter can be shared with you.
Respect their privacy while allowing them to be open and come to you.
The moment you notice that there are changes in your child’s behavior is a good time to ask if they would like to talk. You might be met with a lot of resistance, which can indicate that there is something deeper going on. Pushing them to tell you might push them away further.
Rather than invade their privacy too soon, give them space to come to you. This can be a difficult time to communicate with a Secretive Teen, but you can make them comfortable enough to come to you if you keep calm.
Fixating secrecy by having emotional outbursts or being accusatory can cause you to lose time. Instead, focus on the relationship with your child by doing things one-on-one and as a family. Communication is of great importance here.
It is easy to fall into the control trap. When you feel yourself in the spinning place, take a breath and lean into your intuition. You know your child. Ask open-ended questions and let them know you are on their side.
Loving and raising an LGBTQ+ child is a very special journey that comes with very specific joys and challenges. It is vital - not to mention time, money, and potentially life saving - to work with someone who has traveled a similar path.
Here is why - in additional to the benefits of that person's life experience and the knowledge that comes along with it, you also get empathy, validation, and someone who can hold space for you.
Looking for a speaker or presenter on the topic of LGBTQ youth or allyship for your organization or event? You're in the right place!
I have intense life experience on the topic coupled with hundreds of hours consulting with professionals.
Audiences appreciate my raw and empathetic approach.
Parents and allies appreciate the relevant information and stories that provide them with education, tools, and strategies as well as the knowledge that they are not alone!
You are likely on this page because your child or a loved one has recently come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or another sexual orientation or gender identity and you are looking for resources and tools. I know the joys and challenges of parenting an LGBTQ child.
Or, maybe you’re here because your company or organization is looking for someone
to lead LGBTQ+ Allyship workshops or speaking events. I can help you with that!
Don’t panic. Take a deep breath. You are in the right place. I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the shock, the joy, the terror, the growth, the unconditional love, the fierce mama bear response. It’s A LOT! And, it can be challenging to find support, guidance, resources, and education. That’s why I’m here.
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Looking for tips, tools, and strategies along with a little peace of mind? I invite you into the Chrysalis world!
I am grateful for all who have asked how they can help further this mission!
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