LGBTQ+ youth are significantly more likely as their heterosexual peers to experiment with substances. Coming out, rejection, trauma, and isolation are just a few of the causes. Read on to learn more and how you can help.
What to Know About Substance Use
I feel that one of the most effective ways to educate ourselves and our children about substance use is to actually have conversations on the topic, to learn as much as we can from credible sources and to arm our kids with information, not fear. This section begins with an excerpt I cut from my book. I will continue to add articles and resources.

It is not surprising that, more often than not, substance use and abuse go hand-in-hand with mental health disorders, specifically depression and anxiety. Commonly called co-occurring disorders or dual diagnosis, the National Institute on Drug Abuse has found that 60% of teens struggling with substance use also struggle with a mental health disorder.
The human brain, specifically the frontal lobe, continues to develop throughout adolescence into early adulthood, around age 25. It is why you may be puzzled by how extraordinarily smart your teen is one minute, and the next is behaving like an absolute idiot. Decision-making and impulse control are just two of the many mental and physical functions the frontal lobe controls.
Knowing that both mental health disorders and substance abuse have roots in one’s biology, genetics, psychology, and environment helps grasp the enormity of these issues and understand why there is not a one-size-fits-all solution.
Teen substance use and abuse go beyond alcohol consumption and marijuana use. It also includes both over-the-counter and prescription medications, hallucinogens, and vaping. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, by their senior year in high school, 75% of U.S. teens have experimented with alcohol, 50% have smoked marijuana, and 21% have abused prescription medications. Teens are more sophisticated in their use than they were even a decade ago, making it much more difficult to simply smell any substance on them. If you are concerned and they have passed the “smell” test, here is a basic list of signs that your teen may be using substances:
- Red eyes or constricted pupils
- Flushed cheeks
- Hysterical laughter or loud, non-sensical behavior
- Unusual clumsiness
- Repeatedly missing curfew
- Becoming secretive about their plans or vague plans
The next big question is, should you search their room? The teenage years are a delicate dance of respecting their growing need for privacy while maintaining communication and keeping them safe. It is developmentally appropriate for them to begin to pull away, close their bedroom doors, and test boundaries as they move toward independence. I know the thought of them moving out of the safety tree called home is enough to trigger a full-on panic attack; however, remember that is the ultimate goal!
So, to search or not to search. It is actually quite simple. If you are concerned about your teen’s safety, search away. It doesn’t matter whether or not they are 18, and it doesn’t matter whether they have 10 signs on the door telling you to stay out. They live under your roof, and their health and safety are your number one priority.
It never occurred to me to search Connor’s room. He had always been a rule follower, a pleaser, and an over-achiever in everything he did – until he wasn’t. His incredible intelligence allowed him the ability to master manipulation. It wasn’t until almost too late that we realized that our darling boy was brilliant at living two lives.
The first time I found substances in Connor’s room was by complete accident. It was the beginning of summer, a few months after he had come out to us, and I was looking for water bottles. I swear they are like socks and spoons – they just disappear into thin air. His was the last room to search, and as I looked under his bathroom sink, I hit the jackpot. Not water bottles, though. A homemade bong and an Altoids box filled with marijuana. Yeah. Take that in for a minute. I remember standing there, stunned, completely abandoning my prior hunt. It was one of those moments where time slows and yet somehow also whips around you like an inferno.
As my shock slowly morphed into sadness, then fear, and finally anger, I got the courage to look in drawers, under his bed, and in his closet. I had a neat collection of a vape pen, vape cartridges, and a Gatorade bottle filled with alcohol by the time I was finished. And thus began the third layer of our journey.
Wondering what to look for or where to look?
- Mint boxes or tins; candy containers
- Any plastic bottle – do NOT assume the liquid is water
- Duffle or gym bags
- Shoeboxes
- Inside books
- Sock drawers – INSIDE the socks
- Inside the water tank of the toilet
- Shampoo (etc.) bottles
- Pockets of off-season gear
- Inside make-up cases
- Buried in the dirt of indoor plants
- Under loose floorboards
In following the pattern of increased mental health disorders in LGBTQ+ teens, substance use and abuse also increase in LGBTQ+ teens. It doesn’t require a degree in psychology to understand why. In addition to the regular growing pains of adolescence, coming to realize that they are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender or questioning adds a totally confusion-filled layer that is often wrought with fear, shame, denial, anger, and isolation.
More often than not, they turn to some kind of self-medication to numb the overwhelming pounding of emotion and reality. In fact, a study completed by Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry and Researcher Michael Marshal found that compared to their heterosexual peers, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or queer teens are 1.3 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 1.6 times more likely to use marijuana, 2.9 times more likely to use injectable drugs and 3.3 times more likely to use cocaine. There is no adequate research on substance use in transgender teens at this time, but based on anecdotal evidence, concern is warranted.
Club drugs are more prevalent with LGBTQ+ teens than with their heterosexual peers. They are hallucinogens and stimulants, including MDMA (Ecstasy or Molly) and methamphetamine (Crystal meth or Tina).
It is important to understand that being LGBTQ+ does NOT cause substance abuse, rather the weight of their coming out process as well as the pressures and messages they are receiving from their world that drive them to find a way to block it all.
- Bullying and harassment
- Family conflict and rejection
- Minority stress
- Childhood abuse
- Gender stereotypes
Understanding, knowing what to look for, and asking questions helps us provide the support they need to avoid substances.
Just Breathe is Featured in Top 10 Lesbian Parenting Podcasts
Check out the full list and find some other awesome lesbian podcasts.

I have loved and admired you and your family for over 30 years now, but the honor I have always felt to call you friend truly quadrupled yesterday after listening to your podcasts. Every word was true and authentic, and real, and beautiful-even those that made me cry to the point where I had to pause for a bit before continuing.
I know the last few years have been pure hell. Yet somehow you, Steve, and your kids somehow managed to navigate it with grace, dignity, love, vulnerability, and acceptance. I am in awe of each of you. Messiness sucks, but you are showing the world how beautiful life can be if we find a way to embrace it and breathe. Thanks to all of you for sharing your story and resources-it WILL make a difference for so many others.
S. Geidner
When I was Connor’s age, I don’t think Ellen DeGeneres was out yet. The world has changed so much since that time. I’m glad I’m alive to see it. I find myself cheering on parents like Heather who are willing to step out of their own comfort zone and reputations to stand by LGBTQ children and love us – out loud! This is such an important show [the podcast]. BIG LOVE for this courageous family in the Midwest! Yay YOU!
J. SluMac
Powerful, profound, so needed… What a breath of fresh air this show [the podcast] is. So many LGBTQ people, especially youth, struggle with the devastating impact of faith-based family rejection. Parents are searching for a better way. A way to love their LGBTQ child without compromising their faith. It takes opening what box you have God in – thank you for helping people do that! What a gift this podcast is!
R. Cottrell
I love your raw, real vulnerability. I am brand new on this journey and stumbled accidentally across your podcast on a road trip. I listened for 8 hours of driving and didn’t want to get to my destination because I wanted more. Using your own journey to help and support other parents is so brave and I am grateful to you and your family. Connor is so fortunate to have you ❤️
Anonymous
Your centered, calming voice and demeanor help me to feel more peaceful. I experience you as therapeutic & your journey gives me more hope that we can love [our son] well. Thank you for giving your life away to me through sharing your story and the guests you interview.
Anonymous
Powerful, profound. So needed. Thank you!!!
What a breathe of fresh air this show is. So many LGBTQ people, especially youth, struggle with the devastating impact of faith-based family rejection. Parents are searching for a better way – a way to love their LGBTQ child without compromising their faith. It takes opening whatever box you have God in – thank you for helping people do that! What a gift this Podcast is!!
Apple Podcasts
This podcast was unbelievably helpful. The frank discussion and honesty -completely helped me begin my journey with my son and I have shared this podcast with everyone in our family Truly look forward to more episodes.
Apple Podcasts
Amazing!!! This is so incredibly well done and your thoughtful approach is undoubtedly helping tons of families. What you’re doing truly matters! Your son is lucky to have you and vice versa ;)! Thank you for sharing w us!
Apple Podcasts
Thank you, thank you for this!! I learned so much!
Apple Podcasts
Helped so much!!
I have learned so much and feel so much less alone after listening! Thank so much!!
Apple Podcasts
Must-Listen!
This podcast is a must-listen for those wanting to learn how to best help the LGBTQ teen or young adult in their life. Heather is a thoughtful host who offers great information and support. Such a great podcast with great information!
Apple Podcasts
Thank you.
Exactly what this momma needed.
Apple Podcasts
Right on … so needed
Heather is real, relatable, thoughtful, educated, and inclusive of every teen parent scenario in her talks. I love being able to hear first hand from someone who has gone through the “Valley of Darkness” and come out the other side a better person, informed, and able to help others right where they are.
Apple Podcasts
Just breathe
Thank you for providing this valuable information.
Apple Podcasts
Attn Parents!
Listen, absorb, learn, and breathe thru this podcast. So helpful us (child and parents) as we go thru this journey together.
Apple Podcasts