This past weekend marked a huge milestone in our journey – we dropped Connor off at college. NYU’s Tandon School of Engineering to be exact. I don’t say that to be pretentious because, on the contrary, I feel quite grateful and in awe that despite his intense struggles, Connor achieved this high-level goal.
Connor’s journey – and our journey as his parents – has been filled with more crises, tears, soul-searching learning moments, and humbling events than most kids going off to college. However, as I tearfully hugged my darling boy goodbye on Sunday, I was hit – like a wrecking ball hit, not a little punch on the arm – by the full meaning of this transition.
Steve and I have parented him to the best of our abilities. We have taught, modeled, pivoted, evolved, listened, learned, set boundaries, then set new boundaries (lol!), and most of all loved him unconditionally. And now it is on him. What my head knows and my heart is learning is that it doesn’t matter whether I choose to worry or to control, it is out of my hands.
He is in Brooklyn, getting the most incredible education, both in academics and in life. He is learning to fail in far less life-threatening ways (we hope!), and pick himself up and move on, wiser and more confident.
And I am learning to let go. I am putting Connor in his “God-bubble” and getting back into my life. He is my first of four, so I am far from an empty nest. However, watching this beautifully colored bird try his wings is a magical and miraculous thing to watch.